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Grow Your Own Cows

Should we publish? Time to vote...

Reb Williams
Extracts from:
On the front page of the Observer in a gigantic pile of recycling
Chapter One
Dilapidated, crumbling, vermin-infested, spidery dumps
Chapter Two
The mirror can’t hurt you
Chapter Three
Little forests of soil testing kits
Chapter Four
Old Grandpa Shepherd's grizzled old face melted forever
Chapter Five
Just one overgrown, overlooked marrow makes about fourteen jars of chutney
Chapter Six
a huge, talon-ridden white vulture with an enormous beak
Chapter Seven
If you’ve never driven thirty or forty miles with a calf in the back of your car, I recommend it
Chapter Eight
All this self-sufficiency lark didn’t exist in a vacuum
Chapter Nine
Gang-Ging Up
Chapter Ten
There was nothing to do but hide behind the piano eating crisps
Chapter Eleven
The bass bits in At The Name of Jesus really set you up for the day
Chapter Twelve
Six sets of beady little eyes looked up at me
Chapter Thirteen
You could easily pretend that there was a monster there about to burst through and eat us
Chapter Fourteen
Cows come into season like dogs
Chapter Fifteen
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An evil temper
Chapter Sixteen
I started thinking about popping down the shop and just buying a pack of Lurpak
Chapter Seventeen
My father was flat on his back with his legs in the air
Chapter Eighteen
My mum’s particular skill for burning herself
Chapter Nineteen
A row of red ants exploring their way in a line up her leg
Chapter Twenty
A bit of a love hate relationship
Chapter Twenty-One
We hadn’t wasted anything and that was the main thing
Chapter Twenty-Two
The endless power struggle between a man and his Dexter
Chapter Twenty-Three
I usually ploughed straightaway into the nearest drift
Chapter Twenty-Four
Unfortunately there weren’t any pirates or drug smuggling rings in rural Oxfordshire
Chapter Twenty-Five
I always opened my little ‘Tuck’ pot with fear
Chapter Twenty-Six
About as punk as West Oxfordshire ever got
Chapter Twenty-Seven
In the rat race you only have to get up early five days instead of seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The Battle Of Cliff's Field
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I pass myself off as a normal person
Chapter Thirty
All writing copyright © Rebecca Williams 2009. All illustration copyright © Maria Smedstad 2009

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